Chocolates Melt, Flowers Die

love

The whole point of Valentine’s Day is to show your man/woman that you love them (which you should also be doing the other 364 days of the year, but hey, what do I know, I’m single.). Flowers and chocolates are nice, but they’re crappy gifts and we all know it. They don’t say, I love you, baby; they say “I walked in Walmart.” It’s not about the money or even the gift, it’s about the thought that goes into it. So, I’ve put some stuff together for both guys and girls to hopefully make your Valentine’s Day fun, fresh, cliche-free, and filled with lots of love and smooches.

Let’s start with the gifts for her (bc I’m a her and I like gifts):

If she’s a Netflix and sofa girl:
If she loves to cook:
If she’s a new mama:
  • this bad-ass diaper bag
  • this {boobie} milk jug
If she’s got a rebel soul:
If she’s a little bit gypsy:
If she’s a workin’ girl:
If she’s a bookworm:
If you want sexy time (and expect to get it back):
  • this lingerie set or this one
  • this nightie or this one or this one
  • this bra or this bra
  • these undies
  • this bra + panty set or this one
  • this robe
  • this pj set
  • or you could be really sweet AND save money and give her a favorite tee of yours that she likes to sleep in 🙂
If you’re still gonna be a slob kabob and do the typical candy/flowers/jewelry thing, get these that aren’t lame: 
  • this box of candy + this vase with a few freshly picked wild flowers + this necklace

Ok, now for the fellas. Gifts for him:

If he’s a guy’s guy:
  • this cooler
  • this wall-mounted bottle opener
  • this American flag Zippo lighter
  • his favorite concert or game tickets
If he likes to drank:
  • these bullet drink chillers
  • this 50 caliber bullet bottle opener
  • these ice shot glasses
If he’s a hard, outside workin’ man:
If he hunts or fishes:
  • one of these knives
  • or just walk in Bass Pro and pick up the first thing you see, he’ll love it
If he kicks it like Snoop & Willie: 
If you’ve got a man with a strong beard game:

If you’ve got yourself a fancy guy on your hands, sorry but I don’t know what to do with them. I drink wine from a box. Good luck.

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